pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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