I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
