I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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