Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
