my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Banned from zoo.
Again?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
