My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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