i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
