Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize