I'm drive I can fine osifer
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
