she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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