Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
