i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
