she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize