This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
