Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
