PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
