you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
