I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
