I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
