we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
