I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
