Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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