I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
