You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
