I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
