the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
