Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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