I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
