Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
