I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
