cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
