do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
