I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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