My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Randomize
