He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
