You just made me feel so damn special
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
