I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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