Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
