Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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