so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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