just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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