I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
