I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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