i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
worst night to have a conscience
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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