dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
