I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
