Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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