Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
