i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
