if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
