The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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