My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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