How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
