pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
