bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
