you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
birth control should be required to get into college
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Randomize
